Help Me Out, Allanis

Is it ironic to be sitting on the tiolet doing your "business" and reading a cookbook at the same time?

Just wonderin.

Talla-SUCK-dega

In 2004, I went to the race at Talladega and was all happy with Cowboy Dan like this.





In 2004, I went to Talladega and met Elvis.




In 2005, I added a jaunty chapeau.






In 2005, I asked that Elvis keep his shirt on.




In 2006, I'm sitting my fat ass at home while Elvis pines for me.

Dammit.

Any Takers?

So I've been a little stressed. Nothing new about that really. And not "overwhelming, pull the covers over my head and pray for the Apocalypse" stress but more the "would it be wrong to have wine at 9 am?" stress.

You need an example, you say?

Well, okay.

I was brushing my teeth this morning because despite my predilection for Nascar, I have a full mouth of teeth.

Well, so I'm brushing away. And all is good.

Something happens. I don't really know what. It wasn't traumatic, it was just an impulse or something.

Result? I bit down on my toothbrush.

I bit down on my toothbrush HARD.

And well, I broke my toothbrush.

That's right, I lockjawed on that fine Oral B apparatus and broke it. Broke it into a couple of pieces. With my teeth.

So, that begs the question.....

Who wants a blowjob?